having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
