i think my tv is drunk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
