we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Text me some of your sweat
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
