So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
