I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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