Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
