there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
