youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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