They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
