Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
