I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
