uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
