I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize