Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
