They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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