I just cut my nipple shaving
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
