I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
