pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize