Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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