my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
