i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
