The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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