She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
