I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
