I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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