At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
