Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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