I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
