she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
