the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
