from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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