Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
