I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
