The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
