I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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