you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
