I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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