Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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