Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize