It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
