This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
