just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
