Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
