I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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