____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
