Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
