you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
