Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
