I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
