she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think my vagina is haunted
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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