Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
