lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize