Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
