we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
