thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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