Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
