on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize