That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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