Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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