Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
