you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
