he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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