i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
