Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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