based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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