Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
