you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
