Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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