My sheets look like a crime scene.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
