You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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