so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
