dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
