Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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