apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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