Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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