Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
