Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
