the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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