We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
