this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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