so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
