On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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