summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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