i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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