i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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