The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this just has baby written all over it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
