I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize