Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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