too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think your dad took our porno
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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