I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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