at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
