quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
