What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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