So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
