hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
