So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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