can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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