The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
