do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
