remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
